Searching For My Soul

First, play the music, cause these days I only listen this lovely dubstep. And I also wrote with this song :)

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I was with one of my mentor (yay, I have a few of them now, universe heard me and send me some angels from nowhere), he asked me "I know you can do anything you want, but tell me, where do you see yourself in the future? What's your top dream? What's your goal/purpose? What do you love to do?"

.... I had no answer. :(

This answer is the one I'm searching for for last 10 years. And I still have no answer. I read a lot, I met with so many different people, I lived in different cities, I travelled a bit, and I tried to listen myself deeply, and I respected myself..

I still have no answer where I see myself in the future. Building the best world-wide company in my topic, being the President of Turkey or USA, being the best actress? No, no, no! If I know the answer, I know I can make it happen.. grrr..

And then I was talking with my other mentor, and hahaha :) I'm excited. He said: "the answer you're looking for is maybe not the one you're looking for, maybe there is no answer, maybe you'll not know this answer forever. Your problem is you don't have any problem" I loved the idea. He said I'm so happy whatever I say, or suffering from. :)

Searching for my soul: The title is coming from an old sitcom Ally Mcbeal (90's). The character touched so many women, and they also started searching for their soul, purpose in their life, career, and also their love. They also started to live in their dream world.

In the reality woman who is independent, has equal rights with men has one main problem. Which is her nature who wants a guy who acts like a man!? What do I mean? All modern smart independent women wants a man who dominate the woman. Ewww, does that sound ugly? Yes! Of course, it contradicts with how we grew, how we think and act.. That's why, finding career, purpose in their life is becoming difficult, cause love is a main need for human to live.

Ally McBeal & Searching My Soul

Food, health and sex are the main needs for humans to continue their life. Food is simple to find for most of the countries nowadays. Health, we have all medicines and doctors and it's not as critical as before when people were dying from simple illnesses. Sex which I call love in my post, is hard to find. Our mind talks different from our body. Men are simple creature for all these 3 criteria, food, health and love. Women?! OMG! Problem, problem, problem. Our body and hormones are even complicated and they don't really help us.

The end, it seems like I'm more calm with my questions now. "The point is asking these questions, the answer is always changing which is perfectly normal, it helps us to go on our ways" as someone else told me.

I'll do my best whatever I do now. The opportunities will come from somewhere I never expect maybe. Maybe I'll create my opportunities. I'll just ask my questions and I'll search my soul :)   

Love,

Turkish Girl

P.S Now, I know my lovely subway crush's name =)