Thinking about thinking..

Sometimes my friends tell me I'm thinking too much. Well, not the quantity, but the quality is the important thing.. Not how much but how you're thinking is the point. We, lovely humans (specially me) have some distorted thinking styles that hurt us. It's not good! No good. Here is the list:

All of us sometimes have these thinking styles, maybe this list can help us to be more open-minded and realize  our mistakes. Let's get better :)

      1. Filtering: You basically pick up only negative things between all other positive things.

• Your girlfriend, boyfriend do a lot of awesome things and you just focus the negative things, and make your relationship terrible.
• Your startup company is doing very well, but you expected a faster expanding, then you focus on that, and make your life a nightmare, also your employes.

Chill.. You're doing great. Why do you focus only negative things? Of course be aware but focus on positive things. Life is great, you're doing great, your partner actually loves you, your employees actually working pretty well. Let's motivate everyone.

     2. Polarized thinking: Everything is white or black, good or bad.

• You have to be perfect or you're a failure. 
• Your job, your parents have to be best or it's not for you. 

Chill.. There can be other options. You don't have to be perfect. And actually what makes us perfect is our mistakes and differences than the standard perfect. 

  
     3. Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion with a single experience.

• Once you've hurt yourself when you were cutting potatoes doesn't mean that will happen always.
• Once you've failed in one single project that doesn't mean you're never going to be successful.

Chill.. Try to avoid using "always", "never" conclusions. You just experienced it. Be open-minded and free without judgements.

     4. Mind-reading: Ahaa! This is very common. Without listening or watching what the others think, we comes a conclusion. Make the decision what they think.

• Simple but too much simple we ignore: Everybody's mind and understanding work differently. 2 people look at same thing but they see something different. 
• They don't feel the same with you. Everybody's love language are different from each other.

Chill.. Listen and watch if you really want to understand what they think and feel. If you don't know how to read body language and word language wait for my next posts :)

     5. Catastrophizing: Even writing about it, makes me feel bad. WHAT IF? Terrible two words you're using in your daily life.. 

• What if something bad happens?
• What if she leaves me?
• What if earthquake happens?
• etc. etc.

Chill...!!!! Shut your brain up. Stop thinking like that. Don't you see there is no ending of this imagination and it doesn't help in the end, there is no point. Stop. If not, don't talk to me please! And don't talk to your parents, friends, colleagues, etc.. :)

     6. Personalization: Yea, everything happens around you is actually happens for you! No, no, that's just sarcasm. But with this distorted thinking you take everything personal.

• It's raining in your birthday. God doesn't like you :(
• She said she likes only smart people, oops, she meant you're not smart?!

Chill.. If it's not directly told to you, then you can only assume, but still that doesn't mean anything. Be positive listen, try to help, it's not a game like there has to be a meaning of everything. Maybe that's what they say only. She likes smart people. Don't take it personal.

     7. Control Fallacies: You think life controls you. There is nothing you can do about it. Your mom has a problem, and you can't do anything about that and feeling guilty about that. I'm not sure about that. Check source. :)

     8. Fallacy of Fairness: Ha. You think you knows everything. You know what's fair. And others are miserable with their point of views and minds.

• Religious people think other religion's people are miserable, that they can't see the only truth.
• You're absolutely right, you smile others, and think don't even listen them, because you know best. 

Chill.. Realize that you're making yourself stuck in your mind, and playing God, decide for the fair. Again, please check the source to be sure.

     9. Blaming: It's a easy way of anything unwanted happens. You blame the others, or yourself. Take no responsibility, just feel pain, cursing yourself, or others.

     10. Shoulds: :) You have lists of what things supposed to be like. If not happen that you're not okay, or the others are not okay. Then you feel guilty or reject someone because they didn't do what they had to do. No-good thinking style.

     11. Emotional Reasoning: Lol. Today you feel a little bit sad, then you should be sad. Let's find some reasons to be sad. You feel angry!! Let's find some victims to shout at! Let's make your emotions control you. Women! Your job is difficult because scientists say that our body works under control of so many different things: moon, stars, your eggs cycle, etc :) Don't always trust your feelings..

      12. Fallacy of Change: They have to change for you. If this guy smokes, he should stop smoking for our happiness, and if you insist enough you can change him. You can change everything if you work on this. Well. Let's chill.. :) Accept people as they are. If you don't like them as they are then just leave!

      13.  Global Labeling: Generalization, prejudice, snap-judjements. Just because you met few couple people in New York, you start telling New Yorkers are ... Just because your ex-girlfriend was cleaning and cooking to you, that doesn't mean girlfriends do that! Just because your husband cheated you, that doesn't mean guys cheat always.

      14. Being Right: You have to be right. You can't be wrong. That's your only purpose when you talk, to prove you're right. You start your sentences "nooo", "you're wrong". You never really listen what other trying to say, or why they believe so.

     15. Heaven's Reward Fallacy: You did everything "right". Where is your reward?! No reward? Oh, you became sad, and broken, that's not fair, you did everything right.. Let's just do things makes you feel satisfied and happy. For example, ladies, I hear a lot of you say "I did everything for him, cleaned, cooked, raised his children, didn't follow my career, and look what's my reward??!!" You did everything because you wanted so. At least let's do what you really want to do, not to get a reward afterwards. Right now, do you want to do this? Do you want to leave your work, and be your house's and man's woman? If yes, you do it because you wanted it so, and that's your reward!

Me? Yes, I do these common mistakes a lot! Mind-reading, I love it. =) But, I know, they are not good. I'm trying to work on them to change it. I tell people I do generally mind reading so let me ask you to be clear. In New York City, it's so easy to be straight forward. That's one of the best part to live here :)

Source: access.ewu.edu